We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
