i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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