He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
