After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
