I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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