ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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