dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
