i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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