Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
