and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My feet surprised me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
