I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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