Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
