A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
