omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize