dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
