Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
