he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
