we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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