i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
