Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
