You're my little dorito
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
