I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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