I think I died a long time ago.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
