God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
