He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
