You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
