Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Come on in and take your pants off
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