I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This baby is an asshole
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
