Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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