If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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