you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
