College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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