If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
