tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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