He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
