Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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