its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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