just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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