When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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