this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
