Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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