We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
