So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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