I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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