Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
