i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
