hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
