The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
