Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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