we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
