Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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