Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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