when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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