I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
