i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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