I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
