I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
