well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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