Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
