I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
