I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
