I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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