Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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