I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's shark week go big or go home
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
