how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
