I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
where am i from again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
