Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
