Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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