Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
