So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
