i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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