well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
