help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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