I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
