i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
