so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
babies were throwing up all over the place
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
