my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
