Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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