I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
