1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
