Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
