Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
