i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
