My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize